We all do it. We don't know it, but we are constantly learning. I never
realized how so much of what we know is purely accidental.
We are adopting an eleven year old girl. She is from the U.S. and has
been in the system for approx. six years. She is completely Deaf. She is
non-verbal. We have to explain so many things to her that you would not need to
explain to a hearing child.
The "W" and the "H" questions are constant. She
has to ask them to understand what is going on around her. The where, what,
when, who and how are only known to her if she asks.Yes, we tell her, but it's
not the same. For example: say we are going to church on Wed. night ( Southern
Baptist ya, know), we tell her "time to go to church". Now we are in
the car and we go a different way than she was expecting or we need to stop by
somewhere else first or whatever might keep us from going directly to the
Church - this is confusing too her because she didn't hear (in the conversation
between me and her dad) that we were changing the route,stopping, whatever. Her
little brother (age 4) knows exactly what we are doing because he overheard us
talking.
Our grown son comes to mow our yard and she is wondering why he is here (not
that he has to have a reason). We talked to him on the phone, which the 4yr.
old heard - but she is completely surprised to see him.
Time is very important to her too. She needs to know "when". Heaven
help us if the time changes! She thinks we have forgotten or that we have
totally screwed up. Flabbergasted is a good word for it. She will just shake
her head and roll her eyes, wondering how in the world we managed before she
came to keep time for us!
We (hearing folks) learn all day long without even trying. We hear things
that are not even intended for us to hear. We hear people talking at the next
table, on the radio, on the phone etc. We know the latest news because we just
heard it on the radio or someone was having a conversation in the elevator
etc. Today, I learned of a fatal car crash in NY, while I was having
lunch with friends. They didn't tell me - I overheard it on a TV that was up in
the corner of the restaurant. She only knows it if someone tells her.
It is mostly us, her parents who are doing the telling. Can you imagine only
knowing what your mom and dad tell you??? It can be very frustrating.
If we are indoors and it starts to storm, she won't even know it unless she
looks out a window or see lightning flashes. At that point, what we have known
for some time is new informaton for her.
All of her life, people have been calling her by a nickname. She never knew.
The day we met her was her birthday (how exciting is that). The social worker
gave her a card addressed to "the nickname" and she thought the lady
had made a mistake. She wanted to know who this person "nickname"
was. I had to explain to her that it was a shortened version of her name. She
was shocked (she had never lived in a home where anyone could Sign)! Her own
name was a surprise to her - at eleven years old!
Everyday, I realize something else that I knew just from "accidental
learning". It could be a basic life skill, an educational fact,
news, whatever ... but, I learned it without even trying.
Wish it were that easy for her!
